Born and raised in Singapore, the writer is a deranged Chinese pedigree whose 'limited edition' Chinese language is substandard.

From his sinister experience with school and examinations, he's given up encouraging education and he's actively advocating all parents to raise their children as stand-up comedians like Ryan Stiles or Russel Peters.

Caffeine is his drug. You can bribe him easily with Starbucks to reveal Tom's sadistic secrets, Dick's penis length or Harry's horny plans.

His lifestyle requires more Apple shares than Steve Jobs, bigger salary package than Barack Obama and Fernando Alonso altogether.